It’s a wonderful feeling, having a family that you helped create. There is this unspoken grace that is present when your family is blessed through the covenant of marriage. It is a feeling that I did not anticipate amidst all the ridiculous hours we spent planning the wedding. We have always been in love and when Christian came, we in fact, became a family. But our wedding was almost nine years of blood, sweat and tears finally coming to fruition. Marriage has to be one of the only experiences where you are actually delighted to discover that the “finish line” is an illusion. I have living, breathing examples of God’s grace through marriage that make me proud to be a part of such a wonderful legacy of love. I’ll never catch up to my parents as they come around their 43rd year of marriage but we can set the bar for one particular young man. So to all the family and friends that joined us on November 22nd – thank you. Thank you for your prayers and blessings, your giving, your comradere, your laughter and love. We blinked and the day was over and gone with, but when we close our eyes we are right back at the altar or on the dance floor, seeing all your faces and branding them into our memory forever.
SHOUT OUTS! Bear with me for the following messages, they are a must. Father Rene - I would simply not have accepted any other to bless our marriage. God bless, we love you. Amelia - God put you and your skills directly in our path. Thank you for being such an angel and creating a ceremony of our dreams at our beautiful church. Kaylah - much gratitude for jumping into my nightmare with me and opening your posh venue to us 2 WEEKS before our wedding! We cannot thank you enough. For everyone that raved about how great the food was - help me say "THANK YOU" to Chef Sharon Van Meter and the crew at Milestone Culinary Arts Center. Sharon, my family and I value our relationship with you and thank you sincerely for making our day so special with the gift of wonderful edibles! And I think I say "WOW" on behalf of all of our guests when I say that the wedding cake was da BOMB! Sil and son, thank you for the captured memories, we can NOT wait to see all the wonderful pics. Marta - everyone loved the invitations - thank you for taking a piece of both of us and creating the ultimate wedding invitation. To David and Corbin - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED - we made everyone cry at the ceremony with the video tribute! It was a blessing to have met you both, thank you for giving us the voice to tell our story and properly thank our families. Ricardo - you were a God-send in our final hours and the reception. Thank you for taking us on so late in the process and for the peace of mind that your presence brought us the day of our wedding. Jess - OMG! All I can say is you have some skills girl - the flowers, the bouquets, centerpieces and all... now I know why we are still friends :) I love you girl. Nate - the reception would not have been the same using anyone else to play our tunes and get us moving on the dancefloor - much love cousin!
To the Best Wedding Party Ever: We could spend the rest of our life together telling each of you how much you mean to us and it would not be a wasted life. Thank you - with all that we are - for bringing friendship, smiles, love, and great looks to the wedding! This is only the beginning.
Finally, to our families - thank you for creating us, for inspiring us, for loving us. The only way we will ever pay you back is to reflect what you've taught us through our marriage and our own family that we have now created. Thank you for the gift of life.
Everyone can visit our photographer’s blog for a sneak preview of captured memories. Go to http://www.silazevedo.com/ (Click on "Blog").
Whew - look at those boys - stone cold!
And he waits for her...
The final steps...
The ceremony was a beautiful sight
Hand in hand, forever
Mmmmmuuah!
Check out the '59 Rolls!
Acting up in the church!
Bride and Maid of Honor (yes, the "Maid" of Honor)
Selmon family portrait with the newest addition... ME!
Tha girls!
Mama Bear and the groom gettin down
Go Granny, go Granny, go-go, Go Granny!
No, this is not his sister...Damion and his mama gettin their groove on!
Do I look married or do I look married? 
The Newleyweds!
View of the Gaylord from our hotel room
Thanksgiving was peaceful. After sleeping in together, the three of us played in bed, took more pictures and napped again. The night before Thanksgiving I was driving home after I picked up Christian. He was sound asleep with a soft smile on his face and all I could do was cry on the way home (I know, I do a lot of crying). Not that he could hear my tears falling but I realized how much I missed my son. I felt as if a huge adrenaline rush (a.k.a. “the wedding”) was ending and it was time to count casualties. Amidst all the chaos, I felt like I had neglected our son. People ask if it was hard doing both – a wedding and a baby in the same year – no, that part was easy. The hard part was trying not to be disappointed when all Christian wanted to do was sleep after being out all night running errands. The hard part was not being able to see him on my lunch breaks because I had to run errands. The hardest part was not being able to curl up and nap together at home after work because I had to run errands. Granted, we still had our moments I still felt like we owed him – BIG TIME. So how did mommy thank him…?
After Thanksgiving Damion and I agreed, I get to pick the outfits for Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. He gets to choose for his birthdays and Halloween. This whole marriage/compromise thing just might work out. I suppose the wardrobe battle will end the day he walks into the kitchen before it’s time to go to school and he’s wearing a pair of shorts with that infamous pair of cowboy boots that all kids love to wear that match nothing. That just might be the day his own style is born and he gets to pick out his own holiday outfits/costumes (with more than enough parental supervision, of course).
Giving thanks :)
My Mother’s Garden
Without knowing where it came from, I bought my mom this stone a long time ago that is engraved with the following:
“In search of my mother’s garden, I found my own.”
I thought it was beautiful and although it made perfect sense to me at the time, I wouldn’t realize what it meant until much later. This “discovery” was made by Alice Walker, an award-winning American novelist and feminist that authored the movie “The Color Purple.” In her essay “In Search of Our Mother’s Gardens,” she speaks so beautifully of her mother as an avid creator and designer of gardens. She remembers:
“I notice that it is only when my mother is working in her flowers that she is radiant, almost to the point of being invisible except as Creator: hand and eye. She is involved in work her soul must have. Ordering the universe in the image of her personal conception of Beauty.
Our “personal conception of beauty” is reborn over and over again throughout our lifetime. I always thought that planting something and watching it grow would be beautiful and soothing to any soul. To prove my theory, I tried to raise an herb (inside) garden one time. I wanted a “pico de gallo” garden (jalepenos, cilantro, tomatoes, etc.) but I thought it was a little ambitious. So my mom and I went and bought all the stuff, bonded as we picked out the herb plants at Calloway’s, and setup the large kitchen window sill for their new home. Within two months I lost all my mint, basil, oregano and rosemary (which is supposed to be impossible to destroy). Thankfully for me, my ability to be a good mommy is not judged by how well I can babysit plants.
But when Christian was born, my personal conception of beauty was redefined and with an amazing grace, I realized how much mothers are in fact, gardeners. I tend to my garden every day, all day long, giving him light, energy, nutrients, and complete, organic, wholesome LOVE. It’s even funny to think about how some people refer to their children as “growing like weeds.” So I guess all parents are gardeners.
All “Growed” Up
Speaking of growing like a weed, Christian not only survived a four-month checkup, a wedding and Thanksgiving but he is holding his own bottle, trying to walk (before he can crawl), grabbing everything in sight, loves to hold people’s faces and tumbles over as he is learning to hold himself upright. One of our Parenting magazines said that it takes a woman 8 months to adjust hormonally after giving birth. But I round it up to a year. Not that I will cry any less at his 18th birthday than I will at his first but watching Christian grow is an incredibly emotional experience that brings me to random tears even with the simplest tasks.
Although we knew that Christian would inevitably grow, moving his newborn layettes to storage was a bittersweet experience. I was quickly reminded of the first day we sent him to day care - doing what had to be done but not without tears. Instead of throwing all the old clothes into a bin, I made several trips to and from the storage closet, carefully folding and smelling each outfit. I did not even realize that I never finished until we sent our son to day care with pants that were 3 inches too short. Suffice to say, Daddy had to finish the rest (clothes, socks, sneakers and all). It's funny, but as difficult as it was, knowing that we would see them again someday (perhaps on a baby brother) made me feel much better. And now Christian can go to day care with some new clothes, no high waters and a little more dignity :)
If I had to declare a couple of things that I have mastered they are: 1) the art of crying, and 2) feeling guilty about everything that goes wrong with our baby. If anyone would like to remind me that this is normal, please do so. It helps.
And in this corner...
...weighing in at 16.08 lbs and measuring 26 inches long...…ladies and gentlemen.....the one.....the only.... SUPERMAN!!!
Baby Christian "benches" a whopping 6 ounces now! He holds his own bottle (for a short amount of time) and manages his own binky service. He put two and two together (binky + mouth = happy) but now he will grab for it and after a few attempts, put it right where it belongs. He grabs for just about anything in sight now and tries to stick it in his mouth. It has been a joy watching his delight and displeasure as he practices this hand-eye coordination. He never knows what he'll get although he unmistakably recognizes his bottle - there is simply nothing else like it! But sometimes he'll get a dry towel or a salty finger (or mommy’s sock!). His sour faces are just as cute as the happy ones :) He also loves faces now – holding, touching and pulling on anything attached to our faces is one of his favorite hobbies.
Dry...
...soft...
...needs salt!
One of my favorite toys
Give it here!
Trying to find the Food Network for mommy
Eyeballs! Cool!
Future photographer?
Here Grandma, lemmee have a sip
Are you gonna help me get this bottle or just stand there and take pictures?!
Doing it all on my own...
Touchdown!
At his four month checkup a few weeks ago he got another three shots and would you believe it, the first time they stuck him he didn't even cry! With the second sting he cried for about 6 seconds and then started to play with us again. What strides we make. Aside from his shots, he has some slight exzema but other than that, Doc says he is "perfect"!
You can't have real learning with a child unless they are playing...Play can be the most serious undertaking of a child's life. It is the most serious undertaking. Absorbing their environment. It is the most serious active to their life because they're literally building their construction of knowledge of the world, of themselves, of the relationship between the two and laying down all the foundations for the later forms of intelligence. -Joseph Chilton Pearce
People always ask if we can see Christian's personality "coming through." I laugh because all I can think about is when we were 7 months pregnant at our second child birth class. There we were, sitting on the floor with the lights dim. The daddies were behind the mommies and we were leaning back in their arms - inhaling..... and exhaling....breathing calmly... and quietly. Then all of a sudden - KICK - KICK - KICK - KICK. We giggled a little bit because now you could see him kicking me through my shirt. He didn’t stop the entire time we were supposed to be practicing our breathing/meditation exercises. As soon as we were done, so was he. So yes, Christian has long had a personality and a sense of humor.
Playing is all Christian wants to do now. Dr. Coco tells us that Christian's motor skills are great and he'll most likely experience a lot of his firsts very early. His favorite toy is a little ball that Daddy gave him and a couple of teething toys that he loves to grab and chew on. He loves to stand up, bouncing on his way up, and he tries to walk every chance he gets. His little 4x4's get plenty of exercise and he even gets restless when he can't practice the whole standing and balancing act. It's almost as if he put himself in training for the Baby Olympics and sometimes even mommy slows him down. Right now we are working on the “Rolling Over” event and are halfway there…it’s a whole another world when you can flip over!
Sleep? I can't complain. We have a rotating night shift every other night that works well for both of us. But since I dream about Christian crying all the time, I rarely fall into a deep slumber. Or the opposite occurs and Damion and I are so beaten down that we don't hear his whimpers on the monitor until he introduces himself to the neighborhood. Doesn't happen often but makes me feel like a horrible mommy when it does.
Mornings are still my favorite time with him. We sometimes fight over who gets to wake up him just so we can watch his little routine, pick him up, bring him to our chest, and cup his little booty while he is still curled up in a tiny ball. He stretches and yawns (which is absolutely the MOST ADORABLE thing to watch in this world!) and then lays his head on our shoulder for just a few more minutes as we make our way to the changing table. We make it to the table, he does his superman stretch (which now spans the entire length of the table) and slowly opens his eyes to find one of us there ready to do his morning ABC's with Mr. Leap Frog. The weekends are even better. Between the time Christian wakes himself up and his first bottle, we get to spend a little family time in bed together - laughing, taking pictures, and getting drooled on. No matter how tired I am, holding Christian and seeing the morning sunshine on his face is one of my favorite parts of being a mommy so far. The combination of his pajamas – those “nighties” with the little feet attached that fit their little bodies like a glove –with his messy hair and smile prepares me to face anything that day and make all my mornings worth waking up to.
I get to wake up to these two beautiful guys EVERY morning!
Toothless...but not for long
I can't be the only mommy in the world that grows to miss her baby's adorable toothless grins, can I? As funny as it may seem, you kind of get used to your baby's "gummy" smiles. So the prospect of teeth initially made me think of all the getting used to I was going to have to do. None of his teeth have actually "cut" yet but he does do this long, sad cry that us big people do when we have headaches or even toothaches. A baby's cry is to a new parent like fingerprints are to each of us - unique and unmistakably recognizable. Interesting how nature requires us new mommies and daddies to know our babies cries, especially since it is the only way we can communicate in the beginning. When Christian let out that first long and somber howl, we knew. As if new teeth were not enough enough to tolerate, here comes mommy every chance she gets, pulling on his gums waiting to see that first white fang!
Walk a little slower Daddy
Last weekend, we went shopping at Northpark Mall. There is a new clothing store for infants and toddlers, part of a new chain. We shopped around, paid, and as we were leaving we all stop to read the quotes on the walls - mostly about children. The one that will forever remain part of me and serve as a constant reminder as long as we are raising Christian is:
"It is easier to build a boy than it is to mend a man."
As I read that I immediately thought about my husband. I came to realize all over again what it must have been like to not have his father around and what struggles he faced as a man. I thought about all the problems we had in our relationship because he was learning how to love a woman for the first time. I thought about how I doubted his ability to be a good father when he, himself fell short of good examples. I thought about all the times he had to learn the hard way because sometimes in the absence of a father figure, a soft voice telling you different is not enough. Every situation is different - some do great with just one parent; some end up better off. I can only speak for what I've seen. Whether or not we all adopt the traditional family setting as the best, the reality is, no one needs a license to be a parent. Damion and I both faced our own demons before Christian was born. We knew that whatever we left unresolved in our childhood, whatever setbacks we experienced or whatever excuses we found that we would give Christian his own clean slate. In a simple twist of fate, we too, began anew.
I love that my son has both a hard and soft chest to lay his head on; big and small hands to hold and a gentle and deep voice to sooth him. So my Love, if I don't tell you enough:
Thank you for "building" a beautiful boy with me and being a wonderful father to our son.
"Walk a little slower Daddy"
said a child so small,
"I'm following in your footsteps
and I don't want to fall.
Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they're hard to see;
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For you are leading me.
Someday when I'm all grown up,
You're what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child
Who'll want to follow me.
And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true,
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For I must follow you."
"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty." -Unknown
Excuse Me??
I've always told Damion that as a mother, if anyone... and I mean ANYONE... ever hurt our children that he better get there before I do. Like the saying goes "You can call the cops on me, but they better bring an ambulance for you!" For me, it was just an ordinary day at the spa...
My mom and I made an appointment to get our nails done at a new spa that we wanted to try. It was one of our only quality time dates that we would have in a while with all the wedding planning going on. Damion was at school so baby Christian, being the wonderful baby that he is, happily agreed to go with me and Grandma to the spa.
We arrived at the spa - stroller and all. Christian was checking out the dim lighting, fruity fragrances and cooing at all the women that had to come sneak a peek at him. He is after all, irresistible :) At this point, most people with common sense would have realized that we had a baby in our possession. However, the lady at front was not the sharpest tool in the shed.
She allowed us to proceed to the back where we the spa chairs awaited us like golden thrones. The water was running, music was on and it was just the three of us in there. Christian took favor to the smooth spa sounds and slipped into a cat nap. Halfway through the pedicure the lady from the front entered the room and asked us if there was anything we needed. As unusual as I thought this was (halfway through the pedicure), we simply responded "No, thank you, we're fine." She proceeded to look into the stroller and saw Christian napping, asking all kinds of questions about how old he was and how happy I must be as a mother. As I am now getting my legs and feet massaged, wondering why she was still standing there, she casually informs me that in the future my baby would be expected to stay at the Kid's Corral (a mini day care at the club). The foot massage stops.
As I looked at Christian who was sound asleep I reminded her that the opportunity to remind me of that would have been when we walked through the door, not halfway through our service. She added the fact that it was against "policy" to have children in the service areas. My eyebrows raised.... "OH?" I asked her. I had no idea that is was POLICY. I politely explained (still composed) that it was last minute that his father could not watch him and we did not want to cancel our appointment. Aside from that, Christian could not have been more well-behaved. She kept insisting that it was policy and that it was a distraction. I looked down again at my alleged wild child and strained to imagine him a distraction.
She tried three times to convince me that it was in fact a POLICY to not allow children and that the only reason he was able to stay was because our manicurists did not have an issue with it. At this point, it was going on three whole minutes since my foot massage had stopped. Still composed, I said okay and she left. Dead silence followed. As I looked at Christian (who was still asleep), I struggled to figure out what made me more mad - the fact that she interrupted my pedicure to tell me something that could obviously have waited until we were finished - or more importantly, the fact that I felt she had indirectly targeted my son. It is a strange sensation when someone makes you feel like your child is an issue. As I thought out loud I asked myself if that was the right thing for her to do. In response, my manicurist so eloquently pointed out that in "higher end" salons, no-children policies were the norm. She then proceeded to relate to me and told me of a time when she went to a salon and one lady had a baby that was screaming the entire time and how abnoxious it was. Suddenly, the water in my spa chair began to boil...
We refused the manicure. My mom knew exactly what was wrong and was on board with me. After the incompetent front staff tortured our bill, we paid a minimal amount and I asked for the name and number of the spa manager. I then asked for the "no-children policy" that I agreed to with our club membership. The same lady then gave me a menu of services where it mentions available day care (up to two hours) for mothers with spa appointments. For clarification, I informed the lady that this was not a policy. She informed me that it was their preference that children be left with day care, not a policy. Within 3 business days of our appointment, our payment was refunded, we received a free manicure and pedicure and an additional 15% off any other spa service.
Some people might agree - spas are not a place for children in the first place. If you are one of those people, kindly click the "X" at the top right of your screen - you are no longer allowed in my blog :) This blog is about being a mommy. It is about being offended when someone says your child is not allowed somewhere. It is for venting when people fall OCEANS short of common sense. It is about wanting to reach over and put your hands on someone because they are telling you how precious your baby is and in the same breath tell you they are not welcome. More importantly, it is about realizing how even instances like this make you love your little one even more.
We eventually went back to the spa without any ill will. It is after all, a place to relax and unwind. And I suppose it is entirely possible that my baby could have been a distraction - he does cry from time to time. And it is likely that his primitive senses could have led him to get high off of all the fumes. With that said, I offer a word to the wise: go easy on moms, especially new moms - chances are, you'll never know what sets us off until we do. And to all the business owners out there.... be very careful what you claim to be "POLICY."
"No, my wedding is on November 22nd..."
Being a bride and a mommy in the same year is no small agenda. The night before our wedding Damion kneeled in front of me as I held Christian and just cried. I suppose that is the first time it actually occurred to me that throughout all the wedding planning and running around, Christian continued to grow - and what if I missed something because I was too busy to notice? I cried because although he caught a small bug from the other babies at the day care, I thought he was just exhausted from all the running around I had him do with me simply because I did not want to be away from him. And most importantly, to the credit of all babies out there - babies sense stress. And as much as I tried to hide it from him, Christian knew when things weren't right. Maybe it's because when something didn't go right for the wedding, instead of telling Damion because he was already stressed with school and other projects, I told the little face in the rear view mirror. This would always help because Christian smiles at everything. So after I picked him up at day care a few weeks before the wedding and told him that there had been a mistake and we had to find somewhere else to have the wedding, he laughed. Babies can teach us a thing or two about keeping things simple.
So I took Christian's advice and regrouped. On November 5 (17 days before the wedding), we learned that due to "a lack of communication," (to put it ever so slightly), we would have to have our wedding elsewhere. The facility manager tried to tell me that my wedding was on November 15th. Having someone else try to tell YOU when YOUR wedding is just did not agree with me. To this I responded, "no, my wedding is on the 22nd." In short, we cancelled contracts, money was refunded and we had the wedding at both the church and reception hall that we originally wanted it at. There is simply no such thing as coincidences when you have faith that everything will work out.
Even though Damion's role in planning the wedding had to be minimized because we agreed that it was more important for him to focus on school, he was still ever present through Christian. It's a beautiful feeling knowing that our son has been there for all the wedding planning - even before his official "landing" on July 10. At 6 weeks pregnant, he went to his first bridal show; at 6 months pregnant we were trying on wedding dresses together; and at 7 and 8 months pregnant, we were wobbling around to make site visits. When he did finally arrive, he was there for all my dress fittings, he went everywhere with me and Grandma to shop for centerpieces, wedding favors and small details, he was there when we finalized our wedding invitations and he was there when I got the phone call that we had to move our wedding to another location. Some women (whom I learned quickly to tune out) would jokingly tell me "Oh, you like doing things the hard way, huh?" referring to my having to tote Christian around through all the wedding errands. I would just smile at Christian and he knew exactly what I was thinking.
It's funny how I truly felt that the world would stop just because we had a baby. I felt the same way after we got married. But life does go on, we eventually return to work and what I was feeling was actually an overdose of Cloud 9. I suppose people have babies and get married everyday. I’m grateful that I am now part of two different life groups (being a mother and a wife) where these “ordinary occasions” have changed me completely. Makes me think of how I ever made time to be anything else but happy.
2 comments:
Seriously, I'm sick of tearing up every time I read these posts!!! EVERY TIME!!! Especially the daddy part -- beautiful (and good job Damion!). And Andrea, I know you know I think you are the most beautiful, sensitive, loving mother!!! And when does Nay-Nay get a hardcopy photo?? LOL. Love you guys!!! November was BEAUTIFUL!
What happened to the updates? I really enjoyed reading about ya'll & seeing the pictures of your little angel as he grew up! :)
Hope all is well with you all!
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